


Til The End Of The Line

by MusicLover6661



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, F/M, Heavy Angst, Sad Ending, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-05-14 05:39:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14763668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: Bucky was meant to be the war hero, the guy who saved the day in the end.  And now it was all taken from him.  He was going to be forgotten, become someone behind the scenes.





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky and Steve had been friends for longer than he could remember, always coming to his rescue when the other got into fights. Bucky was glad to help his best friend when he needed it, though there were definitely times that Steve picked a fight with the wrong guy. Okay, it was almost all of the times he picked a fight. But then Bucky was being drafted into the war, and Steve was going to be left behind.

The fighting had been coming from all angles, and Bucky was sure he wouldn't survive it any longer. And then there was Steve, he was coming to the rescue of the men on the mission. It felt wrong though, Bucky was supposed to make sure Steve was safe, not the other way around. This wasn't supposed to happen to either of them. Bucky was meant to be the war hero, the guy who saved the day in the end. And now it was all taken from him. He was going to be forgotten, become someone behind the scenes.

His grip had faltered, slipping from Steve's grip as he fell to his death. At least that's what he had hoped for. He would die a heroic death, be remembered fondly. No one would be able to look at his name without thinking of the brave man he had once been. Except that's not how things happened. Waking up in the brightly lit room brought confusion to the surface, shouldn't he of died? Even if the snow managed to cushion some of the impact, it was still too far of a drop. His left arm was gone, nothing left but a stump.

“About time you woke up soldier” The nurse smiled softly, adjusting the bag of saline above the bed.  
“Where am I?” My voice was scratchy, it hurt to breathe.  
“You're in a hospital, they found you bleeding to death on the river bank” She turned to face me, I was found by the military? How the hell would they have known where to look?  
“I remember falling, Steve was calling after me” I trailed off as I watched her eyes darken slightly.  
“Yes, you've been mumbling the name Steve for a few days now” The door opened slowly, a doctor pushing his way inside. Must be from a different rank, he wasn't someone I recognized.

They did routine checks, making sure I was healing properly. The pain that shot throughout my shoulder was almost enough to pull me back under. How had I not noticed that before? It felt like there were a thousand needles being shoved into the soft flesh. Why couldn't I have died? It'd be better than this horrific pain.

“ _Ist der Herr bereit?”_ My head snapped up, why were they speaking German if we were with the americans?  
“ _Er ist nicht bereit, es tut mir leid”_ A nurse glanced into the room, her eyes locking on my horrified expression.  
“ _Scheisse”_ The doctor stepped into the room, a bright and broad smile on his face.  
“ _Wer bist du, und wo bin ich?”_ I went to push myself up only to be held down by two of the male nurses. I was beginning to think they weren't nurses anymore.

The doctor took a syringe off the table nearby, pressing the long needle into the side of my neck. I wanted to scream, to warn them that someone was going to be searching for me. But I couldn't, my eyes rolled back as I relaxed into the bed. God why was this happening to me?

**Present Day. Bucharest, Romania**

Things never got better, oh no. They were slowly getting worse until everything about it consumed my entire being. It felt like I was being followed constantly, but I could never find the source of anyone finding me. There were hints that someone was trying to look for me though, people would glance in my direction more than once, and it unnerved me. The arm was always hidden, out of the sight of anyone who could get the wrong idea. It was a killing machine, even if I was in control, it didn't matter. The memories of the people begging, pleading with me to spare their lives. It was a painful reminder of who I had once been.

“Steve, we've looked for the man for two years. It's obvious he doesn't want to be found” I felt myself stiffen. Someone was looking for me, there was no doubt in my mind.  
“He's here Sam, this is the last place he was spotted in the last few months” The voice was too familiar, as if I had heard it a thousand times before.  
“And here we are with no other lead, the man's a ghost at this point” The voices were too close, only ten feet away.  
“Not to mention he went somewhere that he could hide more easily” Fear was wrenching around my heart, just walk away before they notice you.

The two men were facing away from me, looking around at the buildings that surrounded us. I had to watch the way I walked away. If I brought any attention to myself I'd be found out. I worked too goddamn hard to stay hidden. There was a farmers market to my left, it would be easier to slip into the crowd there than get back to my apartment unnoticed.

They didn't pay me any mind as I slipped between the lines of people, trying to act as if I was interested in picking out any of the produce. Some of it looked delicious of course, but I was more trying to make myself invisible.

“Steve, turn around slowly” Shit! Abort mission!  
“Sam, you need to rela-” The man's words cut off, as he turned. I couldn't faintly see the man's jaw drop open out of my peripheral.  
“It's him, we finally found the damn asshole” Sam muttered under his breath, but I knew Steve could hear it.  
“We can't just walk over there, he'll run the moment he lays eyes on me” Steve turned back around, looking over his shoulder every few seconds.  
“Let's go somewhere and discuss this a little more” Sam turned and headed in the direction of a restaurant that was below my apartment. Shit.

The crowd dispersed slowly, leaving only a handful of people including myself. I headed in the direction that Steve and Sam had disappeared, instead turning towards the fire escape. It was harder to figure out which apartment it was if they only saw me sneak in through a window.

The room was empty when I stepped inside, they either hadn't caught sight of me again, or were waiting to strike when I least expected. I'd be ready though, take on whatever they would throw at me. My heart sank as I watched her sleep on the worn out cot, clutching onto the thin material of the blanket. There was nothing more I could do, I was technically a wanted criminal.

“Doll, come on we gotta go” We had been running nonstop, trying to run from anyone who posed a threat.  
“Five more minutes” She groaned and rolled onto her stomach, wincing at the pain it caused.  
“No, now” I pulled her to her feet, gathering as much as I could given the limited window I had.

She took a few things, her hands pressed against her belly gently. The fear was racing through me faster than my own blood. How could I be so reckless? Let something like this get in the way of my life. The bag was stuffed full of food, clothes, and anything we might need. She was watching me with fear in her eyes. The last time we had done this was when we had almost been caught by a Hydra operative, escaping with just the clothes on our backs. It wasn't enough now though, her belly was pulling tighter against the clothes she wore. I needed to keep her safe, she was the only person that mattered in my life in this moment.

“Buck, I feel like I'm going to fall asleep standing, can we please rest?” We were currently in Hungary, just barely making it out of Romania. The two gentleman seemed to have lost all sight on us.  
“There's a hotel up ahead, we can get a room for the night, maybe the poor sap will feel bad for us” I rubbed my eyes and sighed, even with the super soldier serum I was beginning to feel exhausted.

Y/N walked farther ahead of me, stepping into the small hotel with a faint smile. She began to ask the man if they had any rooms available, saying how tired we were. The man seemed to take pity on us, offering us a room for the night. The thought of sleeping in a real bed was more comforting than the thought of a home cooked meal.

We headed up to the room, dropping the bag onto the floor before crawling into the bed. It felt like a cloud, trapping us in it's comfort. Though I doubted either of us were going to be leaving anytime soon. Y/N was fast asleep before I could say anything to her, her hands wrapped around her belly. I wanted to be happy, to show her that I wanted this just as much as anyone else. But I couldn't help the thoughts that plagued my mind. Deciding that brooding wasn't going to do me much good I laid down, resting against the pillows.

Waking up was hard, my body wanted nothing more than to sink further into the comforting bed and blankets. Y/N was pressed against my side, soaking up my body heat. There was a sound though, a light rapping against the wooden door. Must be the owner checking to see if we wanted any breakfast. Except it didn't stop, it turned into harsh banging after a few minutes. This is bad, everything felt wrong. I reached into the backpack, pulling out my knife. The knocking stopped suddenly, hushed whispers being passed between three, no four people.

I turned on my heel and pulled Y/N out of the bed, grabbing the bag before running into the bedroom. The door slammed open violently, people rushing into the room holding guns high. I clamped a hand over Y/N's mouth to keep her cries quiet. She was gripping onto my arm roughly, her tears soaking into the material of my shirt.

“Target is gone sir, no sign of him” They were american, but who were they working for if they were looking for me?  
“Damnit, alright team, move out” The sound of footsteps echoed throughout the room until they were silent.

I didn't dare move in fear that someone had managed to stay behind, keep an eye out for us to make our appearance. Y/N's breathing slowed down, her head resting against my shoulder as she sighed. It was clear that we were alone. I let her get cleaned up as I did a quick perimeter check, there was only one car waiting outside. It wasn't a military vehicle though, the two people sitting inside were familiar to me. Shit, they found us.

**Berlin, German** **y**

Getting away from the people who were trying to kill me was easier than avoiding Steve. He was at every corner, waiting for me. How was I supposed to deal with any of this? My best friend whom I tried to murder was tracking me down, my pregnant wife was dealing with pains constantly, and I was worried I'd be arrested at any moment. I just needed a moment to collect myself before I could focus on anything. Of course I'd never get that moment of peace, I needed to be on my guard.

“Buck! The baby!” Y/N's voice wasn't panicked, even so I ran from the kitchen to the bedroom, checking for anything wrong.  
“What's wrong? Are you hurt?” I checked her face first, nothing there. Her arms were just fine, her hands pressed against the sides of her belly.  
“I'm not hurt, the baby kicked” Tears welled up in her eyes. I could barely keep my own at bay as I pressed my hands against her belly. The faintest of kicks coming from the right side.  
“Oh doll” I smiled and kissed her belly gently.

The day was spent relaxing, and eating as much as our bodies could handle. Y/N was almost able to eat as much as I could. Almost. Her belly was protruding more, stretching the cotton of her shirt over the bump. I didn't think there was a way I could find her more beautiful, and yet here we were. She was currently eating as much ice cream that would fit into her stomach. The cravings were always weird ones.

“I love you” I mumbled, tracing my hands along the sides of her belly.  
“I love you too” She smiled and ran a hand through my hair gently.

The air around us was calm, sensual almost. We had no worries in the world, nothing but each other.

After nearly depleting our entire stock of food, Y/N decided that it was safe enough for us both to head out and go grocery shopping. I wasn't opposed to the idea, but I would've preferred if she had stayed home in bed where nothing could get to her. The streets were quiet as we held one another close, taking in all the sights as she pulled me into a store that was nearby. Of course they didn't have everything she was looking for, so she decided we were going to find it somewhere else.

The shift in the air is what caught my attention first, Y/N was talking happily about baby names as we stepped around the corner. Steve was staring back at me, his arms crossed over his chest. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed Y/N behind me, this wasn't a fight she needed to be around.

“Why have you been avoiding us? We just wanna help Bucky” Steve didn't move an inch, his feet firmly planted on the ground.  
“I don't need anyone's help, you shouldn't be here right now” I glared at the man, if he took even one step closer.  
“They've been looking for you again, they want to lock you up” Steve's arms fell from his chest in defeat.  
“I don't care, I have too much to give up now” I could feel Y/N's hands slip around my waist.  
“At least let us make sure they can't get to either of you, please” Steve furrowed his brow, waiting for my answer.

I knew that I'd be safer with Steve, and if he could keep Y/N safe as well, god this better work or I would kick his ass from here to timbucktoo.  
  
“Fine, let's go” I held my hands over Y/N's and assured her things would be fine. Though it felt like I was assuring myself more than her.

Steve lead us to where he and Sam were staying. The apartment made ours look like a closet, it was furnished to the brim. The heat pouring around us as we stepped inside. Sam offered to show us where we could stay, taking Y/N's hand gently. He let go of it almost immediately, Steve stepped back in utter shock. I hadn't realized my arms were wrapped around her waist until she was gripping my hair roughly, whispering softly in German.

“I'm sorry” I mumbled against her skin, she shook her head and giggled.  
“I know you're protective, there's a lot at stake here” Her hands covered mine over her belly.  
“Just a little thing” I smiled and kissed her cheek gently, letting go of her waist.

Steve and Sam were silent for a few moments, gathering their wits about what had just happened in front of them. It was too hard to explain to anyone who had never seen it first hand. And I wasn't about to explain to my friend about why I didn't want to let her out of my sight.

After Y/N had fallen asleep that night I stepped into the kitchen, the liquor cabinet was well stocked, but none of it would do any good. Sometimes I cursed the serum for what it did to me, but there were times when I needed to be the protector, and I couldn't do it without the serum.

“I know how you're feeling, kinda sucks” Steve plopped down in the chair in front of the island. I shook my head and sighed.  
“What am I supposed to do? Run away forever? I can't do that” All I wanted was for Y/N to be safe, for our child to be safe.  
“We'll figure something out, can I ask though?” Steve raised a brow at me.  
“I met her while I was on the run, she was running away from an abusive relationship at the time. I almost went back and beat the guys face in for hurting someone like her, but she begged me not to. So we ran together, it's been almost two years for her and I. It only took one time together for her to get pregnant, I didn't even think I could still have kids” I chuckled and wiped at my eyes, even after all the torture I was still able to keep a part of me alive.

Steve was quiet, taking in everything I had said. It wasn't easy admitting how genuinely terrified I was. No one wanted to hear that side of me, they all assumed I was as strong as an ox. And that was never the case. I was a broken man, I had nothing, and then I was turned into a weapon, my only job to kill. Here I was doing the complete opposite, I was trying to make a life for myself.

The door crashed open, masked men flooding into the apartment. Shit.

“Ahh, we meet again Captain Rogers” The voice was deep, taunting almost.  
“Zemo, you bastard” Steve grimaced and stepped closer to the man, stopping immediately as every armed man raised their gun.  
“I believe you have something of mine, and I'd like it back” His eyes landed on me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. He wanted the soldier.  
“You'll take me dead before you ever get the soldier back” I said through gritted teeth.

Steve looked for an opening, attacking the guard who was closest to him. They were easy to take care of, most were too stunned to fire their weapons. The numbers dwindled until the only people left in the living room were Steve, Zemo, and I. He shook his head and laughed almost silently, his eyes trailing back up to my own. He raised a gun towards me, I braced myself for the shot. Except it didn't hit me, the gun was pointed at Steve. His body hit the floor, blood coating his chest as he gasped and struggled for air. I looked at Steve in horror, my eyes trailing back up to Zemo. The only emotion I was feeling was rage, before I could take a step his gun was raised back at me.

Her voice echoed softly throughout the room as she questioned what was going on, rubbing her eyes softly. My heart stopped as another gunshot rang throughout the room. My eyes wide as I looked over at her. She was frowning, her gaze lingering on me before she fell to her knees, her back hitting the wall behind her. Shock was the only thing keeping me where I stood, watching as the life slipped from her eyes. Steve's chest had gone completely still, the blood no longer spilling onto the floor beneath him.

My entire body was burning, a white hot heat was coursing through my being as I turned to face Zemo. He raised the gun too slowly, my hand wrapped around his throat as I slammed him to the ground. He grunted in pain, reaching blindly for the gun that had slid just out of his reach. I couldn't count how many times my left fist made contact with his head, the blood spattering across my chest as I screamed. Sam ran out from his room, doing anything he could to save Steve or Y/N. The man beneath me was unrecognizable, his head nothing but mush. I didn't stop though, simply moving on to his chest. The rage was still coursing through my body.

Sam had to pull me off, his arms wrapped tightly around my chest as he dragged me away from the man and out of the room. Tears were streaming down my cheeks in small rivers. They were gone, my best friend. Y/N and my child were gone. I couldn't stop from screaming, I would take the torture Hydra put me through a thousand times over this. They weren't coming back. They were gone forever.

Sam had talked to the police, explaining the entire situation as I sat comatose in the bedroom. I could smell the perfume Y/N wore on the pillows. My arm was still covered in his blood, I didn't care if it stayed there forever. I didn't have the energy to do anything. I had been used to loss, it was something you got used to. But this? This was worse than any pain I had felt before.

“Buck, they're going to umm, take Y/N and Steve down to the morgue now” I could only nod at Sam, afraid if I opened my mouth I'd start screaming all over again.  
“They're going to call us so we can pay our respects before they send them back home” Sam stood up and walked to the doorway, his eyes never left my face.

I didn't want to pay my respects. I wanted them back here with us! I wanted them alive!

It was almost a week before the coroners office finally called Sam, he nodded silently. We headed down without any words spoken. What else could we even say to one another? The woman I loved was gone, my best friend stripped from my hands before I could make amends.

They looked so peaceful on the metal tables, her lips were still pink. My eyes trailed down to her stomach that was now laid flat. The pain was intense, tearing through every part of me. Our baby.

“Buck, there's someone here who needs to speak to you” Sam said softly, as if to not disturb Y/N or Steve.

I turned away from her lifeless body, afraid if I stared too long I'd pray it was I instead of her.

“Hi Mr. Barnes. I'm Doctor King, I work at the hospital here in town, is there somewhere more private we can chat?” I furrowed my brow and nodded at her. What the hell did this mean?

The baby was alive, my daughter was alive. She was currently in the NICU at the hospital. They were keeping an eye to make sure she would be alright. And so far she was healthy. They wanted to keep her for at least another three weeks to ensure she'd be able to leave safely. Sam assured them she would be in great hands when she was released.

“Yes, I know it sounds crazy Tony but you have to hear me out, no he's a little...quiet” Sam trailed off, unsure of what exactly to say.  
“The baby won't be allowed to leave until the doctors feel she's healthy enough, she's so small” Sam smiled at the thought of the baby. She was almost six pounds, and though it wasn't scary tiny, she still wasn't big enough  
“They're being sent home tomorrow, Tony don't you dare!” Sam stood up roughly from the chair, pacing back and forth in the living room.  
“We'll be back when we can, but right now he needs to be there for his daughter” Sam sighed and hung up, setting the phone down onto the table.

The room was silent once again, Sam looked over at me with a nervous expression, as if I could do something reckless. I felt too dead inside to do something reckless, let alone leave the comfort of the apartment by myself. It was going to be a while before I felt like myself again.

***

She squirmed gently in my arms, her soft cries echoing throughout the quinjet. I chuckled and rubbed my finger over her cheek gently. She calmed down almost instantly, her cries silencing into whimpers. I knew she was fussy because of the jet, but I wasn't taking any chances bringing her home. Sam was sitting across from me, watching the bundle in my arms squirm.

“Yes, daddy knows that you aren't a fan of flying now. But you gotta go home first” It was still painful to remember everything I had lost. Watching her mother's life slip through my fingers, knowing I could've prevented their deaths.  
“We're landing in twenty, so she'll be okay soon” Sam smiled and walked over, looking at her rosy cheeks.

The quinjet landed almost silently, the doors opening. Tony was waiting for us just inside the glass doors, his eyes falling onto the baby. There was commotion going on behind him, more than normal at least, but he didn't seem phased. Sam grabbed the bags before practically running inside, squealing with excitement as I followed close behind.

“She's bigger than I expected, cute though” I knew Tony was trying to annoy me. Say she didn't look like me. When she had a lot of my own features, she had more of Y/N's though.  
“She's been whining most of the trip, but she's okay now” I couldn't help but smile. It felt good to be back in some ways, others not so much.  
“She got a name kid?” Tony raised a brow at me, it took all of my willpower not to roll my eyes at him.  
“Lily Rose Barnes, it was the only name Y/N and I could agree on” The pain came back as I remembered signing the birth certificate. They had written deceased for her mother.  
“Cute name for a cute kid” Tony lead everyone inside, ignoring everything going on around him.

The compound seemed so big and intimidating from the outside, but inside it was just breathtaking. I wanted nothing more than for Y/N to have been able to witness it with me. I wasn't allowed that luxury though, she was gone. I had to power through though. Be strong for my daughter. Tony lead us down to where my daughter and I would be staying for a while. It was spacious, and open enough for the both of us.

“Welcome to your new home Lily, daddy's gonna make sure you're safe” I sat down on the end of the bed, holding her against my chest as she slept.

It was time to make a new life for ourselves.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t easy raising a child on my own, even if Sam and Tony were doing all they could to help me.  She was growing up too fast, and it was beginning to weigh on me that she wasn’t going to ever know her mother, or the man who had made me the man I was today.  Tony was constantly working in his lab now, never leaving unless it was absolutely necessary.

“She’s been teething lately, so I let her use one of my fingers as a pacifier” Lily had woken up more often each night, crying at the pain in her gums.  
“As long as she’s happy, you’re happy” Sam was sitting at the table with me, watching Lily as she started to doze off while chewing on one of my metal fingers.

She didn’t like eating much lately, not unless I was holding her with my metal arm.  I think it was the coolness that calmed her down, my body heat wasn’t one of her favorite things.  Not unless it was too cold in the tower and she needed to be in my arms.  Tony had promised to make sure Lily and I were comfortable at all times, but with the fluctuating heat, it was hard.

I needed the room to be ice cold to sleep comfortably, and Lily needed the room to be warmer so she could sleep.  It was a never ending battle, one where she would end up on my chest so either of us could sleep through the night.

“So what’re you going to do when she’s older?” I wasn’t ready for a conversation like this, the thought turned my stomach.  
“I’m gonna wait until she’s old enough to tell her that her mom passed away, say it was childbirth or something” It would be the easiest way to lie to her, to curb the hope that her mother was still out there.  
“Buck, there’s something I need to-”  
“Evening gentleman, and lady.  Can I see you three downstairs?” Tony clapped his hands together and left the kitchen, not bothering to see if Sam and I were following.

Sam was apprehensive, if Tony had something to show us, it couldn’t be too good.  The man was known for breaking things, and right now was confirming that.

“Tony, why are we down here exactly?” Sam propped himself up on the desk, eyes lazily looking around the open space.  
“I have something to ask of our dear Manchurian candidate” I didn’t want to tighten my arms while Lily was asleep, it’d wake her up.  
“Whatever it is, the answer is no” I was going to stand my ground.  Nothing was going to catch me off guard with Lily around.

Tony rolled his eyes and threw down the manila folder onto the table, a mission?  He wanted me to leave my daughter and go on a fucking mission?

“Sam, I need you to take Lily” Sam was flabbergasted at my tone, everything was red in the room.  
“You need to listen to me Barnes, you have a chance at changing the way the world sees you, to give that little girl a life she could only dream of.  Do you want their deaths to be in vain?  Or do you want the people who took them away to suffer for what they did?” My throat tightened, eyes burning with oncoming tears.

No one had spoken of Y/N or Steve since their death.  It wasn’t the happiest of topics, and everyone wanted to forget the pain after a while.  Even with Lily getting older everyday, I was reminded of what happened.

“Excuse me?” There was no malice in my tone anymore, nothing but the utter sadness I had felt during the quietest nights.

“You deserve to let loose and live a little, take down the very people who took away your wife” Sam was still silent, watching Tony and I stare each other down.

It was different now, I was a parent. I couldn’t just drop everything I had going on to beat up some people that pissed off Tony.  Even if I wanted Hydra to suffer for taking the only people that ever loved me out of my grasp, it didn’t matter.

Lily cooed softly, reaching for my left hand that was pressed against her belly.  She just wanted the comfort more than anything, and it comforted me knowing how happy she was. Her small hands grabbed onto my index finger, putting into her mouth to chew on.  She didn’t care where we were, if she was in pain then she was going to gladly chew.

“Does she do that often?” Tony was looking at Lily while she lazily chewed.  
“She’s teething, so it’s more often than not” I shrugged lightly, making sure not to jostle her too much.  
“That’s something I wanted to talk to you about” Tony stepped closer to where I was, it made me nervous.  
“About what?  I’ve already had enough of the weird shit you’ve been trying to ask from me” Lily whined as my hand slipped from her grasp.

Her cries echoed in the lab, tears streaming down her cheeks as I struggled to calm her down.  She wasn’t hungry, I had changed her diaper less than a half hour ago. And as far as I knew she wasn’t teething that badly right now, that left one thing.

“Sam, I need you to take her for a quick moment” He didn’t waste a second in taking the small bundle from my arms, her cries softened for a moment until she was wailing. If she wasn’t pissed off before, she sure as hell was now.

I stripped off my shirt, tossing it onto the desk Sam had recently been sitting on before taking off Lily’s onsesie.  The moment I took her from Sam’s arms she could sense the change, her head rested against my chest as she whimpered. I had read that skin to skin contact could help her when she was uncomfortable, and right now was one of those times.

“How the hell did you do that?  She was screaming bloody murder” Tony was utterly fascinated with Lily, I think it was more so having a young baby in the compound.  
“It’s my warmth, she knows whose holding her and she feels closer to me” It was the only way I could get her to sleep at night.  
“I wanted to ask about a bedroom for her, when she gets older of course” Everyone knew how protective of her I was, and if it meant keeping her in my room until she was a teenager, I’d do it.

I was going through the pros and cons in my head, sure I’d be able to sleep without Lily feeling the need to crawl onto my chest, but I’d also lose out on so much.  I was too dependent on keeping her around, and I wasn’t ready to change that right now.  Even if Tony was determined to get me out on the battlefield once again.

“I don’t know, I want to enjoy my time with her right now” I sighed and ran my fingertips down her back, she shivered and coughed softly.  
“You can still enjoy your time, it’ll just give her a little more freedom when she’s older” Maybe Tony knew what was best for her, but he didn’t have any kids of his own.

It just felt like I was pawning her off on everyone else if I did that, that I wasn’t a good enough parent for my daughter.

“She won’t be upset if you get out your aggression Buck, you need to do what’s right” I sighed softly, this felt so wrong.  
“You’d call if something happened to Lily right?” I looked over to Tony slowly, afraid that if I gave him a straight answer my daughter would be taken from my arms.  
“We’d get you home before she could even notice you weren’t here” It sounded too good to be true, I’d be able to be aggressive again, to let loose and get my anger out. But I’d be away from Lily for far too long.

I walked around with Lily pressed against my chest, pondering over the thoughts that were running rampant through my head.  Would this really all be worth it?  Could I even handle going on a mission?

“I’ll do it, on one condition” I stopped in my steps, back facing Tony and Sam.  
“Of course” Tony nodded, this was going to be done my way.  
“I want to become the soldier” The room became still, silence encompassing us.  
“James, I can’t promise I’ll be able to pull you out of something like that” Tony frowned slightly, arms crossed over his chest.

I couldn’t do this any other way, I was too exposed without becoming the soldier.  Tony either dealt with my demands, or he could find someone else.

***  
  
“Sir, he’s going to break down the door and kill us all!” The Hydra agents were scrambling, unable to escape the wrath that I had unleashed onto them.

They had tried hiding originally, thinking it could possibly keep them safe.  How stupid they were to believe a measly little door could keep me out.  The suit Tony had put me in was covered in their blood, and I was sure there was some on my face as well.

“You’re the reason my wife is dead” I pressed the gun against the back of his head, silently reveling in the whimper he let out.  
“We didn’t know who she was, he only had orders to get you back” His hands were raised in surrender, it’s too bad he wasn’t going to get his wish.  
“You should’ve thought about that before you took her from me” I reached down with my left arm and gripped his throat, his body slumped in my hold after a few seconds.

The other agent had already gotten onto his knees, hands placed on his head as he awaited for the pain I had in store for him.  My blood was racing through my veins as I stepped closer to him, hearing his nearly silent cries.

“If only you had spared her like she deserved” I reached down and gripped his neck, snarling as he spluttered for breath.  
“She was the only person I had left, and you took that from me” His neck snapped like a twig beneath my hand.  His lifeless body hitting the ground with a loud  _thunk_!

I didn’t want to enjoy this, to watch the light fade from their eyes as they succumbed to the fate my wife had.  It felt wrong to enjoy this, to stand where the people who had tortured me for seventy years stood.  To let loose and let the Winter Solider take over once more. I wasn’t doing this for Tony, I was doing it to keep Lily safe.

“Barnes, it’s time to come home” There was nothing more I needed to do, every Hydra agent was gone.  
“I’m on my way” I slipped my knife into the holster on my thigh and turned away from the room, this was going to be a goodbye to the past.  

To the reminder of I had once been.

* * *

Tony was waiting for me when I got back to the compound, Lily pressed gently against his chest while she slept.  Neither he or Sam had called while I was out on the mission, so I felt better knowing Lily hadn’t been scared without me.

“I just gave her lunch, so she’s probably gonna be out for a little while” I nodded and looked down at my state of attire.  The blood had soaked through the clothes entirely.  
“She usually does” I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh, it felt so good to be home.  
“I have something for you, but get cleaned up first” Tony chuckled at my scowl before sending me on my way.

The shower had felt better than ever, washing away all the blood and dirt that had covered my skin.  My hair was a different story entirely. The blood had caked most of it together, which made it hard to wash out completely.  Maybe I could ask Tony if he knows someone that could cut my hair for me, that way it’ll be out of the way and Lily won’t be able to pull on it.

I hardly wanted to step out and get dressed, but with Tony, you could only keep the man waiting so long before he came and dragged you out himself.  So I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater.  It wasn’t cold by any means, but the less of my arm that touched Lily during her nap, the better.

FRIDAY had given me instructions on where Tony was going to be located, which was no surprise when I was shown to his lab.  The man spent his entire life in here.

“What’s this big surprise?” I reached to take Lily from his arms and furrowed my brow as he shook his head.  
“You’re gonna need both arms open Barnes” Tony smiled and patted Lily’s back gently.

The sound of footsteps drew my attention over to the doors I had stepped through only moments ago.  Was I dreaming?  This felt so similar to a nightmare I had just very recently.  Only there were more Hydra agents I wasn’t able to take out.

“Y/N?” My heart was hammering in my chest as I watched her step closer.  
“It’s really me Buck” Her eyes were watering, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stopped in front of me.  
“Holy shit, you’re really here” I wrapped my arms around her, disbelief was the only thing I could feel in that moment.  She was alive,  _she was alive._

Neither Sam or Tony said anything in that moment, afraid to ruin the happy moment between Y/N and I.  She could disappear and this all be a fever dream, that I was still under Hydra’s control.  The only sound I could hear was Lily’s whining.

“Got room for one more punk?” My eyes were stinging with disbelief.  
“Steve?” I kept my hands on her waist as my eyes trailed over to where he stood.

His arms were crossed over his chest, a bright smile pulling up his lips as he watched us.

“Holy shit!” I ran over to him, arms wrapping one another as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

They were really here, in my arms.  They had slipped through my fingers.

“Tony had us put in cryo while he tried to figure out how to bring us back” Y/N wrapped her arms gently around my waist, fingers tracing the edge of my shirt.  
“You guys are really here, I can’t believe it” I turned to kiss her, to make up for all the lost time.

She giggled and pressed her lips against my own, hand running along the stubble on my cheeks.

“I’m sorry it took me so long, there were some issues that kept coming up.  But they’re the healthiest they’ve ever been” Tony was still sitting in his chair, Lily now looking at the two new guests.  
“You don’t have to apologize Tony, I’m more grateful than I could ever tell you” I laughed and wiped my eyes, Lily whined and reached for me.

I didn’t let her wait another moment, scooping her up into my arms with a bright smile.  She squealed and held onto my shirt, a small smile of her own pulling up her mouth.

“She popped her first tooth last night, so she won’t be teething as bad anymore” Oh thank god, her teething had been driving me up a wall.  
“You wanna meet mommy and uncle Steve?” I turned to face Y/N who was trying to take in the fact that our daughter was in my arms.

Y/N had taken to being a mother like a natural.  Lily cooed at every word she spoke, babbling back in her own little language.  Steve was doing all he could to make her laugh, his eyes sparkling as she laughed at everything he did.

I walked over to Tony and hugged him tight.

“Thank you, I’ll never be deserving of any of this” Tony only nodded and patted my arm, watching the two people tickle the small girl.

Life was a lot better now.  Til the end of the line buddy.

**Author's Note:**

> Ist der Herr bereit?  
> Is the patient ready?
> 
> Er ist nicht bereit, es tut mir leid  
> He is not ready, I'm sorry
> 
> Scheisse  
> Shit
> 
> Wer bist du, und wo bin ich  
> Who are you, and where am I?


End file.
